Did you miss that too?

Did you miss that too?

Do you thrive on silence? Then get the 05.55 Virgin East Coast train from Newcastle to London one weekday morning.

It’s there. Silence. Broken only by the odd announcement, offers of tea and something they call coffee but I don’t think is, Oh and the sound of 21st Century working. That is, tap tap, whoosh, ping and one-sided conversations muttered into mobile phones.

What you also get on the 05.55 is sunrise over the Vale of York. A ten minute power show of such luminous beauty it will take your breath away.

Well, if you watch it.

It starts with streaks and trails of pink scissoring through the grey, building to ripples then swathes of red and almost purple as the sun rolls up. By the time its balancing full circle on the horizon, then pushing up into the sky, you can’t help but feel amazed to be alive.

Except hardly anyone watches. Instead the urgency of tap tap, whoosh, ping and those phones take priority and most people stay head down, getting on with business.

That was my experience last Wednesday anyhow. I was bouncing in my seat, desperate to stand up and shout “Everyone, quick, LOOK OUT OF THE WINDOW!!” But I didn’t. I wasn’t brave enough. Instead I nudged the poor sap sitting next to me and whispered “look” as I pointed a wavering finger….crazy lady on the train stylie.

I spent the rest of the journey beating myself up. For not being brave enough, and for thinking I had the right to invade others’ privacy.

On reflection its become more about how we’re letting the immediacy of technology, work, Twitter, urgent urgent, get in the way of real life. Talking to phones instead of the people next to us. Looking at Tablets instead of our surroundings. Absorbing information in bite-sized tweets instead of working through the range of arguments.

We’re missing out. So this is me, standing up and shouting, ” Everyone, quick, LOOK OUT OF THE WINDOW!!”…….please 

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Who DO you think you’re talking to?

Who DO you think you’re talking to?

My friend and colleague Judith Leary Jones is doing some great research on the theme of the doubting twin (check her out at Great Companies Consulting) Its the bad mouthing triplet I’m taking issue with here.

No? So why is it ok to use that tone when you talk to yourself?

Think of all the times, every day, that you put yourself down. You’re impatient with yourself. You’re sarcastic. You’re cruel. You reinforce and restate your weaknesses. You replay your mistakes.

Imagine if you could just be a little kinder to yourself. Speak to yourself as you would your friends. Unpack the truth gently and celebrate what works.

The greatest change you can make is in the tone of voice you use when you talk to yourself. You are your own work of art, appreciate and respect that.

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Endings or beginnings?

Endings or beginnings?

The worst endings can be the best beginnings.

3 years ago I left substantive employment and it felt like my life had ended. Yet now, I’m heading up my own successful leadership coaching company and making a positive difference.

From feeling worthless, with nothing to offer, I’m now enjoying working with inspirational individuals, supporting them to shift their thinking.

I tell you this because many of the people I come across are struggling. You may be too. They’re struggling with the impact of cuts to their service. With the pain of harsh external scrutiny. With the sense of failure. With the feeling that the profession they’ve given their life to no longer values them.

Redundancy, exit strategy, early retirement, severance package, re-shape, re-structure. Hard words to hear.

But, instead of seeing an ending, look for the beginning. A new life, a new approach, something different.

For real change to happen you must be ready to take a risk, to free fall, to let go of the past.

Your identity doesn’t have to be formally rolled up in a job description or role, status or leadership. Who you are is enough. You don’t have to be defined by a job title or the expectations of others.

Move into this phase with an open, welcoming attitude. The door isn’t closing, it’s swinging wide open. Step through with a smile and an inquisitive heart.

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There’s nothing wrong with you!

There’s nothing wrong with you!

That’s right, forget all the New Year, New You stuff that’s everywhere you look just now, and stop stressing about the new year resolutions you’ll make and break within weeks. You don’t need transforming, no-one does. 

Instead try taking some time to reflect on what it is that nourishes you, what makes you strong and happy, and work out how you can fit more of it into your life. Similarly, what depletes you? What drains your energy and makes you unhappy? Is it possible to do less of it, or maybe do it differently or with a different attitude?

2016 can be the year you begin to nurture yourself and those around you by focussing on your wellbeing and happiness, by connecting with people, being active and taking notice of what’s around you and how you and others are feeling.

Think about making one or two sustainable changes that could make you happier. Decide what to do, and write it down as an intention, not an expectation. If by Spring you haven’t made the changes you intended, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, reflect on the reasons why you wanted to make the changes in the first place then re-set your intention. Think about your motivation too, how making the changes will benefit you and others. Re-setting your intention and motivation will, over time, strengthen them and support the change to happen.

With all good wishes for a happy, mindful and nourishing 2016.

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It’s September… Happy New Year!

It’s September… Happy New Year!

Despite not having taught in school for almost twenty years now, I still can’t get past the feeling of a new year and new beginnings come September. That sense of anticipation, hope and excitement….hair cut, new shoes, re-stocked pencil case. January, with its post Christmas bloat and punitive resolutions doesn’t come anywhere near in terms of promise for me.

So as you pick yourself up after what I hope has been an eventful and sun shiney Summer, pack away the barbecue and shake out your work suit, can I suggest you forget January resolutions this year and try a couple of these habit changers now instead?

  • take time to live mindfully in the present;
  • say thank you, and mean it;
  • set the alarm half an hour early 2 or 3 mornings a week and take off for a brisk walk or jog before getting ready for the day;
  • aim for one random act of kindness a day;
  • take a lunch break;
  • talk and think less about what you and others are doing, and focus instead on how you are feeling.

May you go into this new year confident and excited about the positive difference you can make for your community, your colleagues, your family, friends and yourself. By facing life with curiosity, compassion and anticipation you will be ready to accept all that it offers.

Happy New Year!

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Say “Yes” to the mess!

Say “Yes” to the mess!

Some of the clients I work with share traits that you might recognise in yourself. They tend to overthink things, they over plan, they agonise over detail, particularly when it comes to stepping out of their comfort zone. These same people tend to find themselves frequently disappointed, because no matter how carefully they plan, or think through possible scenarios, things never quite meet their expectations.

This habit of overanalysing whether “yes” is the right answer or not can get you stuck in a highly controllable, highly predictable space of ‘safe certainty’, chugging along, solidly.

In a leadership context, this puts you in an environment where protocols, procedures, policies and tradition take centre stage. Little ever changes, opportunities are often missed and crucially colleagues don’t feel able to offer ideas, try new things or take any risks. This is an emotionally disconnected workplace where people complete tasks with little buy-in or satisfaction, whilst scanning the recruitment pages and situations vacant ads.

If you recognise any of this, then its time for you to shift yourself into the more adventurous space of ‘safe uncertainty’, where you allow just enough structure, control and planning to mitigate the greatest risks, whilst allowing enough freedom, movement and spontaneity to welcome new opportunities. In a leadership context this means developing a culture where colleagues are encouraged to try new approaches, within negotiated parameters, and if they don’t work, to embrace the learning from the experience and try something else.

Let go. Stop saying “No”. Stop over analysing and step out of the controlled space. Be more spontaneous, try something new. Experiment by taking small steps that stretch your leadership edge. These ‘safe to fail’ experiments can loosen up your organisation by enabling teams already good at predicting and planning to become skilful at adapting and improvising. By stretching their boundaries and challenging their creativity you will put your team in a strong position to flex and respond to new challenges as they present.

Finding your own unique place of safe uncertainty helps you to say “yes” more often and opens your way to new possibilities.

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Information overload?

Information overload?

Do you find time flying by faster than ever, leaving little or no space for the things you used to enjoy doing?

Are you racing from one half finished job to the next, going underprepared to yet another meeting, making multi-tasking your default mode? Do you feel a sense of inner frenzy and distraction?

Then stop for a minute.

Chances are you are experiencing information overload. In this state your brain becomes incapable of performing as well as you expect it to. In a leadership context you begin to make poor decisions, your time management goes to pot, you struggle to prioritise, you stop thinking about your people and you risk burn out.

So, just stop for a minute.

Ask yourself, how much meaningful communication in the workplace have you engaged in face to face rather than electronically over the last few weeks? How much of the masses of information you have absorbed has made a difference to the way you think rather than superficially cluttered your brain? You may be well “connected” but are you flourishing in warm, compassionate social contact with other human beings or is most of your interaction reduced to 140 characters or less?

It doesn’t have to be like this.

Give yourself permission to power down the computer, switch off the phone, put the blackberry away. Humans are a social species, we need close social contact to grow and be our best. Embrace this by disconnecting yourself from the technology which fills your headspace with clatter and noise, and see how beautiful the sounds which replace it can be.

If all this sounds a bit scary, then as a starter for ten try:

  • Turning off notification alarms;
  • Doing one thing at a time and giving it your full attention;
  • Introducing media-free time at home;
  • Making time for face to face interaction.

By making time and space to focus on what is actually in front of you, you may well find that you are more able to identify what (or who) is really important and give it the attention it deserves.

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To think, or not to think…

To think, or not to think…

Hey, slow down….is your workplace a “no thinking zone“?

When we are stressed, exhausted or distracted we resort to working in the shallow area at the front of our brains. We react, we retreat, we knee jerk, we don’t think. We lose the capacity for problem solving, visioning, compassion, moral reasoning and big picture thinking. Its crucial to slow down. to carve out precious time to stop and think. To stop acting in the moment and allow yourself time to reflect.

In a leadership context this means using your influence to create and value meaningful thinking time for your team. Why not spend some time considering the following points to convert a “no thinking zone” into a productive and inclusive thinking workplace.

  • Learning : ask yourself where the thinking is happening in your organisation. Are you learning from mistakes or just repeating the same patterns?
  • Caring : pay genuine and careful attention to relationships. Remember what values drive you to do your work. have you discussed this with your team?
  • Wondering : stretch out of the space of safe certainty and give a pushback to bureaucracy, not in an adversarial way, but wonder about organisational and team habits. When was the last time you said “No”. What happened?
  • Listening : above all, create time to pro-actively listen to your colleagues. Encourage them to talk about how they feel, not just about what they’re doing, and you do the same.

I suggest that through modelling the expectation that there should always be time to think, you can support your team to be their best whilst giving their spirits, and yours, room to breathe.

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It’s ok to say “No”!

It’s ok to say “No”!

How much of your time is spent seeing things from other people’s point of view? Do you find yourself, like me, a willing helicopter parent for grown up children, patiently caring for very elderly relatives, being a proactive member of the workplace and struggling to manage everything else in between?

Agreeing with everyone, being amenable and making sure everything runs smoothly guarantees that I fit in and have strong bonds (for the most part) with family and friends. But what about me? Am I the essential cog in the wheel, or the doormat? How much of my ‘people pleasing’ behaviour is a positive thing which makes me feel good and how much is a trap which leaves me over-committed and manipulated? I’m working on what motivates me to do things for others; guilt, love, fear, duty, positive or negative choices, with interesting results.

In a leadership context you could consider whether you draw on your people pleasing or rescuing tendencies appropriately, or if you do it to feel a sense of worth, self-esteem or power. Similarly, you could look at your team. Is anyone at risk of spending so much time in their colleagues’ shoes that they forget where they keep their own?

If you recognise this, start practising saying “No”. Explain why you’re not agreeing, but don’t make excuses. Set some boundaries “I can help you, but not right now. Come back tomorrow, at 2.00, I have half an hour I would be happy to give to your issue then.” Support and encourage your colleagues to practise appropriate selfishness, and try to model positive behaviours by not making unreasonable requests of your known people pleasers.

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Compassion is good for you

Compassion is good for you

By extending kindness, patience and curiosity to all you meet you make your community a better place, which in turn benefits you and those you care for. That much should be obvious, but how can you play it into your workplace, and crucially how can you keep it authentic?

The chronic power stress associated with leadership in today’s fast paced, heavily regulated and publically accountable environment negatively affects leader sustainability like never before. We hear about burn out, we see it in our friends and colleagues, we’re aware of constant shift round the top table as senior executives take the jump or get the push.

However, a study by Boyzatis* found that in experiencing the compassion associated with coaching others, leader sustainability across the study group was improved, in other words coaching is good for you! It follows that a coaching organisation, or workplace in which self-awareness and reflection are valued and actively encouraged, is a more emotionally intelligent, flexible and adaptable one, whose workforce is better equipped to deal with change.

As a leader, you can practise a compassionate coaching methodology in your organisation. Focus on resilience, building empathy and self-esteem. Combined with a solution focussed approach you will find this encourages individuals to develop a new mind set and change behaviours, in turn leading to greater effectiveness in the workplace.

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